He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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