so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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