she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
