We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want her autograph on my taint
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
