I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
