she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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