and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
