you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
