i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
