The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
