This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize