mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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