Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize