I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
