im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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