my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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