Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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