I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
