ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
