You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this just has baby written all over it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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