i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
