I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
