u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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