Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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