You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
