Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
