meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
