he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
