when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize