so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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