More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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