I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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