how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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