Four minutes until I can fart!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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