walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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