don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Houston, we have a blender
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
