he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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