he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize