so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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