We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
