i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize