I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
