I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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