Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize