I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
