At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
