You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
