I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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