I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
