this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
