She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
