Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
