i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
