I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
