I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
