I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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