Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
