Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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