Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
