Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
