Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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