dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
