why didn't you poke me back
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
