i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
