wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize