how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
