just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
