and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
