i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
