hell yes lets make some ravioli
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
